Navigate reactions, rebuild connection, and finally talk without everything turning into an argument. Discover the simple 3-step framework that helps you understand why defensiveness happens, and exactly how to stop it from taking over your relationship.
Done Defensiveness
“I guess I’m just never enough.”
“I am doing that, you just don’t notice.”
“You’re so hard to please.”
“Can’t you just take me as I am?”
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
When you try to bring something up, it usually goes like this:
You need a way to talk that doesn’t end with both of you feeling hurt.
You don’t need to tiptoe around their reactions.
Understanding exactly why defensiveness shows up (and why it’s not your fault)
Feeling confident in how to bring things up without it blowing up
Knowing what to say (and what not to) when emotions start running high
Staying calm, grounded, and heard - even if your partner reacts
Helping your partner understand what’s underneath their own defensiveness
Having the tools to turn “We’re fighting again” into “We actually figured that out.”
A calm, connected relationship doesn’t just happen because you love each other enough
IT HAPPENS WHEN YOU KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THE MOMENTS THAT THREATEN YOUR CLOSENESS, LIKE…
A simple, repeatable framework that helps you understand defensiveness, respond differently, and make easy communication your new normal. Talking to your partner shouldn’t mean drama and you don’t need to feel anxious when you want to bring something up.
That’s the kind of support this audio course gives you. Short, powerful lessons you can actually use in the moment, plus reflection prompts and scripts that make responding differently second nature.
Done with Defensiveness will help you to finally talk without it turning into a fight
It makes “having hard conversations” actually possible.
Hi, I’m Dr. Morgan Cutlip - Therapist, Author, Relationship Expert, and lifelong student of my own marriage
So I created Done with Defensiveness to teach the framework that helped me and my husband turn defensiveness from a regular occurrence into a rare one.
Because once you learn how to handle these moments differently, you don’t just argue less - you actually feel closer.
Even with a doctorate in psychology, I still spent years stuck in the same frustrating dynamic: bringing something up and watching it spiral into defensiveness.
It’s the easiest thing you’ll ever do to stop having the same fight on repeat
HERE’S WHAT’S INCLUDED ACROSS 15 PODCAST-STYLE LESSONS
Uncover where defensiveness really comes from - what triggers it, why it happens, and how to see it through a lens of love and safety instead of frustration and blame.
Phase 1: KNOW Understanding Defensiveness
I’ll walk you through exactly what to do before, during, and after a defensive moment.
You’ll learn how to pause, pivot, and defuse tension without losing your cool - even if your partners still heated.
Phase 2: DO Responding Differently
Learn how to reinforce your new communication habits until they become second nature.
Includes reflection prompts and real-world practices to help you stay consistent, so defensiveness becomes the exception, not the norm.
Phase 3: REPEAT Making Connection the New Normal
Your go-to companion for every lesson, filled with scripts, prompts, and tools to make change stick.
Printable Guide & Reflection Workbook
Stop overthinking or wondering what to say. These ready-to-use examples make even hard conversations feel doable.
Quick Reference Scripts & Conversation Starters
Go back anytime you need a refresher, a reminder, or a reset. Life changes and now you’ll always have the tools to meet it calmly.
Lifetime Access to All Lessons & Resources
“I can tell you right now that my husband gets very distracted with podcasts and audiobooks, but after the first lesson, he said, “Wow! This explains a lot and I was listening to every word! Let’s keep listening!”
HEAR FROM COUPLES WHO LOVE MY AUDIO COURSES
You just want to feel heard - not like you’re starting World War III every time you bring something up.
You know you love your partner. You know you’re doing your best to stay connected
Maybe you’re trying to fix things by saying it nicer, staying calmer, explaining more, or waiting for the perfect moment…
You drop a hint here, a careful comment there, you overthink every word - and still end up walking away frustrated.
You’re not being dramatic. And your relationship isn’t broken.
You’ve been trying to have new conversations with old tools and it’s not working.
You just don’t yet know how to talk about hard things without triggering defensiveness.
That’s what this audio course teaches you - a simple, proven way to handle those moments differently so you can both feel safe, seen, and on the same side again.
Wondering if he even sees how much you’re carrying
Stop holding things in just to avoid another argument that leaves you both drained and distant.
Stop wondering how to bring things up or rehearsing the conversation ten times in your head before you do.
Stop questioning whether you’re asking for too much or being “too sensitive” (you’re not).
Stop feeling like you’re the only one trying to make things better.
When you finally understand defensiveness -
why it happens, what triggers it, and how to respond differently - you stop walking on eggshells and start feeling safe in your own relationship again.
YOU BEGIN TO BELIEVE YOU CAN HANDLE ANY CONFLICT AS A TEAM AND…
Understand what’s really happening when defensiveness shows up and why it’s not about who’s right or wrong.
Respond differently in the moment with simple, practical tools that calm the conversation instead of escalating it.
Rebuild connection and trust over time using the Know → Do → Repeat framework to make calm communication second nature.
It’s an 15-part, straight-to-the-nitty-gritty audio course that walks you step-by-step through how to:
That’s exactly what Done with Defensiveness is for!
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Love your partner, but wish conversations didn’t always turn into arguments
Is Done with Defensiveness for you?
Feel like no matter how gently you bring something up, it still ends with someone defensive, upset, or walking away
Want to understand what’s really behind defensiveness and how to stop reacting in ways that make things worse
Are ready to feel calmer, clearer, and more confident when things get tense
Don’t have hours for therapy sessions - you just want short, practical tools that actually help
Have a partner who’s emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive (this course is not designed for those situations - please seek professional support)
Are looking for a quick fix without doing any reflection or practice
Expect your partner to change completely while you do nothing differently
Already have calm, connected conversations 99% of the time (lucky you - go celebrate that!)
Want to feel like you and your partner are finally on the same team again
it's not for you if you
it's right for you if you
Talking about hard things doesn’t have to end in an argument
If you don’t commit to change, your relationship will stay stuck. And not because you don’t care, not because they don’t care - but because neither of you knows what you need to do to break the cycle of defensiveness.
You're not being needy or unreasonable. You're trying to connect.
You want to get it right. You want to feel close again. You just need to be shown how.
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Want to actually be heard without everything turning into a fight
You’re tired of small conversations turning into big arguments and walking away wondering, “What just happened?”
Start listening to Done with Defensiveness today if you…
Want to understand why defensiveness keeps showing up
You’ve read the blogs, tried to stay calm, maybe even waited for the “perfect time” to talk - but it still spirals. This helps you finally understand why.
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Want to handle conflict without losing your cool (or your connection)
You’ll learn what to say, what not to say, and how to shift from reaction to resolution - even when things get heated.
Want your relationship to feel good again
Because when you stop fighting the same battle, you start feeling like a team again. And that’s the ultimate relationship goal, right?
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Got questions?
It’s an 15-part, bit-sized audio course / private podcast that helps you understand why defensiveness happens, what triggers it, and how to respond differently - so conversations stop turning into conflicts. You’ll get short, actionable lessons, real-world tools, and reflection prompts to make calm communication second nature.
Nope. This course works whether you’re learning solo or together. You’ll get tools that apply to both sides of defensiveness and how you can stay calm when your partner reacts and how to manage your own defensiveness when it shows up.
That’s exactly why this course exists. You can’t control their reactions, but you can control yours - and when you respond differently, it will have a significant impact. One calm person can change the entire tone of a relationship.
Each lesson is only 5-10 minutes long, and you can move at your own pace. You’ll see changes as soon as you start applying the tools, even after the first lesson.
No, it’s not therapy. It’s a psychology-based framework designed to help you communicate better, backed by years of real-life experience working with couples and individuals (and doing the work in my own marriage).
Forever. You’ll get lifetime access to all audios, guides, and future updates - so you can revisit it anytime you need a refresher or want to check your progress.
If you’re in a relationship that’s emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive, or if your partner is a narcissist, this course isn’t the right fit. Please reach out for professional or crisis support instead - you deserve to be safe and supported.